fav quotation

“

I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.

This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.

And I will not be afraid
of your scars.

I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.

”

Cerita sedikit

Disini gue belajar banyak.

Banyak juga perjuangan yang gue lakukan untuk bisa disini.
Nggak semuanya dan nggak seharusnya yang kita mau harus selalu kita punya.

Karena kita butuh belajar bersyukur dan tawakkal.

Kita harus keluar dari zona nyaman karena pada akhirnya kita harus bisa bertahan sendiri.

Karena kita harus bisa ngebangun zona nyaman itu lagi. Sendiri.

Di awal, mungkin kadang sampe sekarang, gue benci kenapa gue harus disini.

Kenapa gue harus jauh sama orang tua dan adek gue. Kenapa gue harus jauh dari sahabat-sahabat gue. Kenapa gue harus sampe putus sama pacar gue. 

Memulai sesuatu yang baru tanpa mereka di dekat gue itu susah banget. 

Semua rasanya kayak bakalan cuma sebentar dan gue ngerasa nggak lama lagi hidup gue bakal sama lagi kayak dulu, awalnya.. Lama-lama gue sadar kalau mungkin hidup gue sudah harus berubah sejak kurang lebih 3 bulan yang lalu.. 

Suatu hari nanti, gue bakal berurusan sama nyawa orang.

Dan semua masalah tidak pernah diselesaikan dengan air mata lagi.

Gak sesimpel kalo capek tidur, kalo sedih nangis lagi.

Gak segampang itu cerita semua masalah ke orang lain, bahkan sama keluarga lo sendiri. 

Saat-saat jauh dari rumah kayak gini.. gue yakin suatu saat nanti gue akan bersyukur gue kuliah di luar kota.. tapi mungkin bukan sekarang.

Selalu ingat "the beginning is always the hardest". Yes, hope so. 

Terlalu banyak yang harus dikorbankan di awal ini, buat gue. 

Jauh dari keluarga? Ya itu yang paling berat. Gue sadar keluarga itu penting, dan sekarang gue lebih sadar kalau keluarga itu segalanya. 

Gue disini belajar bukan buat jadi mahasiswa kedokteran terbaik. Gue belajar buat jadi seorang dokter yang baik yang bisa bermanfaat untuk orang lain. Itu aja cukup. 

Cita-cita apapun baik itu setinggi langit atau setinggi tanah yang penting bisa mendapat kebahagiaan baik dari proses pencapaiannya ataupun saat mencapai cita-cita itu

Mimpi itu gak akan kemana-mana, cuma kita aja yang mau ngejar atau enggak
:)

Yes :D

Now, i'm part of SCORA CIMSA UGM 2013 sooo happy sooo excited :D

SCORA itu singkatan dari Standing Committee on Reproductive Health including HIV/AIDS. Kalo CIMSA itu Center for Indonesian Medical Student's Activities. semoga semuamuanya makin lancar dan makin betah jadi med stud gitu hehe btw tadi pagi buka path terus sedih gitu liat temen ngepost ini..

dan langsung ngerasa kayak 'gue banget gak sih?!?!' jadi anak rantau itu susah.. pake BANGET.. buat gue doang sih.. rasanya kalo di Jakarta kemanamana ada supir, disini secapek apa juga harus sendirian.. sebenernya disini gue tinggal di rumah bude bareng sepupu sepupu gue, baiiiik banget semuanya sampe kadang gak enak karena mereka semua terlalu baik :'D dan bisa dibilang temen-temen gue di kampus banyak yang lebih (seharusnya) sedih daripada gue tapi mereka bisa kok survive, gue malu. dari awal waktu diterima disini gue udah bikin komitmen sama diri gue sendiri kalo sesusah apapun saat gue disini gue akan selalu inget tanggal 8 Juli 2013 dimana gue udah ga bisa lagi mendeskripsikan gimana akhirnya perjuangan gue buat dapetin Pendidikan Dokter(PD) di PTN terbayar :'D dan sekarang gue lagi mencoba mengingat komitmen itu hehe walaupun susah ya namanya juga manusia. dan ditambah banyak masalah yang campur aduk, beneran ngga gampang banget deh.. tapi gue suka banget sama jurusan yang gue pilih, gue ngerasa cocok walaupun nilainya paspasan hehe yg penting lulus.. kuliah di PD itu seru banget!!! kurang lebih 3 tahun lagi, nama gue harus Chikita Medika Putri, S. Ked. dan 2 tahun setelahnya harus jadi dr. Chikita Medika Putri :D yeyyyy! wish me luck!

I was once told to describe heartbreak.

I think I did a hell of a job at doing so because the person remained shocked and speechless which resulted in my joy.

Heartbreak, is not like what most people would say, it is not like falling off a bike, like what most people think.

It is a slow, dulling, ache that proceeds to eat away your whole existence like a cancer (except you can of course cure this if you choose to but most people don’t)

It is a process of your heart being ripped out and sewn back in, a million times, until the pain is something you have to grit your teeth and tell yourself, “You will get through this.”

How does one get through such pain, such horror?

You don’t.

As much as you hold your tears back, as much as you try to numb the pain, nothing works. Believe me, I’ve been there.

And of course it doesn’t help if you see the very person who caused all the heartache, it is like meeting the devil himself.

You will be washed with memories from long ago, from the first time both of you met, to the very last time you spoke.

It will be painful, more painful that trying to rip your eyebrows out, again, believe me, it hurts a lot.

He will then say hi, and of course you will blink back tears, but tears of what? Sadness? That you still love him so much? Or joy? That you no longer have to give a shit what he thinks?

You will of course shake his hand, and try to laugh an awkward laugh, and both of you will catch up, and you will realize again why you fell in love with him in the first place, the way his eyes crinkled in laughter or his forehead creased in concentration.

Both of you will discuss old times, and you might think to yourself, hey, maybe we could give us one more try.

But there are no “one more tries”. Not in this world, not in any world.

Because when you start to bring it up, he will pick up his ringing phone and he will answer and he will tell you that he has to leave to pick up his new girlfriend, and he will say that he wants to see you again to talk more and be friends.

always remember

nothing worth having comes easy.








fight buat org2 tersayang!!!!!!!!!

biar cepet ngumpul lagi :_D

-sedang belajar histologi dan anatomi-

semangat calon dokter! viva medika!

hai

i'm wearing hijab now :D

dan ini di tempat yang bakal nemenin ngejar cita-cita gitu deh

jadi, alhamdulillah gue diterima di Pendidikan Dokter Universitas Gadjah Mada, bukan pilihan pertama sih, tapi rezekinya disitu hehe

oiya ian dapet di mesin ui dan gue kedokteran ugm, 600km gt deh nantinya jarak kita..
pisah sama ian dan pisah sama temen-temen yang kebanyakan di jakarta dan bandung. huft.

ngerasain aja belum nangisnya udah sering :(
sedihnya itu justru karena satu kota aja udah susah banget ketemu, gimana beda?
nanti di Jogja bakal tinggal di rumah bude bareng sama sepupu-sepupu yang untungnya kuliah di ugm semua hehe ada mas Aldi, mas Odi, dan mas Ubi. mas Aldi sama mas Odi bentar lagi lulus kalo mas Ubi yang (katanya) bakal siap mengantarkan adik tercintanya ini hehe
sebelum ngepost ini, rencana awalnya sih mau ngepost galau tapi thanks to skype yang mengubah keadaan hahaha
btw, soal sbmptn itu SUSAH BGT. gue kira ngga bakal bisa lolos di sbmptn ternyata Allah punya kehendak lain. walaupun ngga di pilihan pertama.
bakal jadi anak rantau nih, roman2nya bakal aktif ngeblog lagi sih haha gataudeng abis sepi kayaknya di jogja nanti atau malah banyak tugas-_-
tapi gue sama sekali ngga pgn ngulang yang namanya kelas 12 haha once in a lifetime enough bgt deh, rasa deg2annya di setiap detik itu loh hmm ngga tau sih mungkin cuma gue doang tapi bener-bener ngga tenang mau ngapa-ngapain keinget ujian ini itu pengumuman blablabla selama 18 tahun ini saat-saat kemarin adalah saat terberat yang baru aja gue lewatin katanya sih kalo udah masuk fk bakal jadi saat yang lebih berat lagi :'D tapi kalo udah bener-bener passionnya insya Allah lancar aamiin


well, blog emang paling setia walaupun dicuekin berbulan-bulan tapi masih tetep jadi tempat curhat paling pas.

I know I'm the worst bestfriend, ever. I'm sorry. I miss you. I miss us. Everything is getting worse now. Kangen ngegosip bareng.

4.2.13

I miss the heart i have never broken
I miss the tears i have never shed
I crave for the love i never got
I crave for the smiles i never showed
I crave for the person i never was